The Deployment and my Pain as a Mother

When the time came for my daughters deployment I went through a huge array of feelings and emotions that I was not really ready for. I had envisioned over the past months during her training that the time would come when she would be deployed, and that she was.
I was not able to see her take off that night for Afghanistan, but I still remember her standing at her apartment waving goodbye the day she was to be deploy. That night I stayed awake until the hour of her deployment and prayed to God to guide her and keep her safe. I looked out into the twinkling stars in the darkness of the sky as the tears ran down my face and in a whisper I said “Stay safe Natalie, I love you more than Life itself. Come back to me, alive.”
I knew she was ready and excited to go fight for her country, and I thought that I would be full of joy, I would be elated, relief, and full of happiness for her. Please don’t misunderstand me, I sure felt all those feelings, but, to my surprise they were accompanied by other feelings.
The anxiety, the shortness of breath, the feeling that I was missing apart of myself; the uncontrollable feeling that I couldn’t protect her; it was every mother’s nightmare.
So I prayed, and prayed that god would give them the courage the strength and the wisdom, for her and all her comrade and for each and every soldier deployed. Oh my God, I couldn’t do this alone, I thought. I was overwhelmed with feelings and emotions. I too needed help; I had to be strong for her and the rest of my family also.
I would always tell her, “stay focus, stay alert in all you do”. Remember everything she learned in book camp. Stay with a buddy.
Many months past, and we would communicate on Webcam. I would tell her if she needed to rest for her to just write and tell me. “I’m ok today”. And with that alone, I would be fine.
One night in the early part of Sept, It was about 9:00pm. There was a knock at the door. My husband answered it, I heard lots of commotion I just thought it was my other daughter with her kids, but as I approached the living room, to my surprise my Soldier Daughter stood looking at me. “I’m home mom” she said, I hugged her with full of joy, I was elated, relief, and full of happiness, that she was home.
Most of all I felt peace in my heart again.