January 6, 2010

The Deployment and my Pain as a Mother

When the time came for my daughters deployment I went through a huge array of feelings and emotions that I was not really ready for. I had envisioned over the past months during her training that the time would come when she would be deployed, and that she was.
I was not able to see her take off that night for Afghanistan, but I still remember her standing at her apartment waving goodbye the day she was to be deploy. That night I stayed awake until the hour of her deployment and prayed to God to guide her and keep her safe. I looked out into the twinkling stars in the darkness of the sky as the tears ran down my face and in a whisper I said “Stay safe Natalie, I love you more than Life itself. Come back to me, alive.”
I knew she was ready and excited to go fight for her country, and I thought that I would be full of joy, I would be elated, relief, and full of happiness for her. Please don’t misunderstand me, I sure felt all those feelings, but, to my surprise they were accompanied by other feelings.
The anxiety, the shortness of breath, the feeling that I was missing apart of myself; the uncontrollable feeling that I couldn’t protect her; it was every mother’s nightmare.
So I prayed, and prayed that god would give them the courage the strength and the wisdom, for her and all her comrade and for each and every soldier deployed. Oh my God, I couldn’t do this alone, I thought. I was overwhelmed with feelings and emotions. I too needed help; I had to be strong for her and the rest of my family also.
I would always tell her, “stay focus, stay alert in all you do”. Remember everything she learned in book camp. Stay with a buddy.
Many months past, and we would communicate on Webcam. I would tell her if she needed to rest for her to just write and tell me. “I’m ok today”. And with that alone, I would be fine.
One night in the early part of Sept, It was about 9:00pm. There was a knock at the door. My husband answered it, I heard lots of commotion I just thought it was my other daughter with her kids, but as I approached the living room, to my surprise my Soldier Daughter stood looking at me. “I’m home mom” she said, I hugged her with full of joy, I was elated, relief, and full of happiness, that she was home.
Most of all I felt peace in my heart again.

2 comments:

Anna Rodriguez said...

Congratulations! Your story is beautiful and definitely tugs at one's heart strings! More importantly, your baby girl is home with you...and she is an American Hero!
God bless your family!
~Anna

Deleana Marie said...

I AM GOING THRU EVERYTHING IN YOUR STORY AS I WRITE THIS...THE ONLY THING IS ...I STILL WAITING FOR MY DAUGHTER TO COME HOME...IT IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVERY HAD TO GO THRU...MARIE